Monthly Archives: March 2012

Preparing for the challenge

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Every once in a while, there comes a time that we need to push ourselves to do more and BE more.  I decided earlier this month to do something that will push the limits of my creativity when it comes to blogging.  The Ultimate Blog Challenge is a push for bloggers of all genres to join together and see if they can post at least 30 blogs for the month.

Throughout the month, I will be posting various articles on tarot, mindfulness, divination, spirituality and whatever else may pop into my noggin along the way.  It is my intention to plant the seeds for discussion, thought and maybe even some education.  I invite you to follow along for this challenge by subscribing directly through my rss feeds or through the Networked Blogs app so that you can get each post delivered straight to your inbox.

If you would like to take part in this challenge or find out more about it, check out the website at http://ultimateblogchallenge.com/

Facebook vs My Ego

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      For those of you who have been following me for a while, you have probably noticed that I talk a lot about releasing the ego and working to focus on heart centered thoughts and actions. I am a huge supporter of each individual finding and owning their own power so that they have the greatest level of control over their life. Yet, even as I preach this to you all, I still struggle with many of these particular issues in my own life.
     I hope that this struggle helps me to connect with those that hear my suggestions and I am certain that it keeps me off any pillars that I or anyone else might try to put under my feet. I’ve never been one to enjoy feeling prideful or above others as it just feels wrong. I work hard to keep my pride in check and quite often the Universe helps me out with that as well. However, when it comes to the ego, it’s not just pride that rears it’s ugly head. Sure, when the word “ego” comes up, that is usually the first place that most people’s minds go.
     Ego = Pride, greed, selfishness, cruelty…the list can go on and on depending on your viewpoint and experience with people who seem to have too much ego. But what about those with too little ego? Is there such a thing? Is it better?
In my opinion, there really isn’t a case of too little ego. It is in releasing the ego completely that we find self satisfaction and serenity. The problem is, there is a whole other side to the ego that we don’t often associate with it. If being prideful is on one side of the ego, then being shameful is on the other. Both are opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to the ego.
     The dictionary defines the ego as “A person’s sense of self esteem or self importance” Whether we feel we are the most awesome conglomeration of energy that the world has ever seen, or we feel like we are nothing more than a useless speck among the vast universe, we are in the ego. The more we think either of these thoughts, the more we find ourselves in our own head fighting with the reality of who we are as a part of the universe and who we see ourselves as.
     Throughout the years, I have done pretty well at keeping myself off of pillars. While I do see myself as a pretty amazing conglomeration of energy, I do not typically see myself standing out much either. No, I typically find myself on the other side of the ego and have to work much harder at reminding myself how important I am and what my contributions to the Universe are. I know that I am special and unique in my soul. I know that I am powerful in my heart. I just need to keep reminding my head of that.
     One of the big exercises that I have been working with the Universe on, is the release of my self doubt and the idea that I am not good enough. It is amazing the different ways that these lessons are carried out and are presented to me in such diverse ways. At times, these lessons are subtle and barely noticed until they are over. At other times, I get slapped in the face and end up sitting in the energy of the lesson all day.
As an example, I am sure that most, if not all of you are on Facebook and have been dealing with the constant string of changes and updates since its inception. Each time a change is made, there is typically an uproar about how everyone liked it the way it was before and Team Zuckerburg should just leave it alone. Yet, as the change moves forward, we all all adapt or leave and Facebook moves on, unphased. As of yet, I have really felt unaffected by any of the changes that were made. Privacy concerns, page layouts, new features, I just rolled along with the tide. Until this week. An update went through that actually hit me where it hurts. Right in the ego and right in my self worth.
     Now this may seem petty to some, but the change that went through was an addition to my notifications when a person declines the invitation to an event that I am hosting. I have been on Facebook for over 5 years now and as best I can recall, this notification has never come through. I have hosted various events from my radio show announcements to healing events to work related gigs when I used Facebook for the day job too. I’ve invited thousands of people to various events and people that did not want to go, simply disappeared from the invite list. They chose to decline or ignore and just went away. I was never the wiser. Until this week.
     As usual, I sent out the invites and shortly thereafter I start getting notifications. I happily click the icon to see who has decided to attend the event and…wait, what is this? Billy Bob has declined my invitation? Crap. So did Susie Q. and John Doe. Dammit Facebook, why are you telling me this? I didn’t need to know who wasn’t coming, just keep me in my happy place by telling me who is coming. But alas, throughout the day, I continue to get notifications that various friends are declining my invitations. What a kick to my ego’s face.
     I struggled with this most of the day. Watching the notifications of who was and who was not coming to see which had more people. I knew in my head that all these people that were declining were likely the same people that just disappeared from the invite list before. But now they had names and faces that I could pinpoint. There were certain people that I could point to and say “you declined my invitation, don’t you like me?” I was teetering on the edge of a downward spiral.
     As I struggled with this, I gave it to my higher self to work with and the shift began to happen. The more I consciously released the situation from my mind, the less it seemed to bother me. In asking for guidance and comfort, I was provided with the answers that I preach all the time. It’s not about me and it’s not anything new.
     Of the 300+ people that I invited, only a small percentage responded. Of those that did, all of them had their own schedules to work out and their own lives to lead. Of those that did not respond, I am sure that many did not even see the invite through the overwhelming amount of notifications that they receive. Others still, may have just politely ignored it. Regardless, once I sent it out, I had no control anymore of how people chose to respond to it. Frankly, it was selfish and egotistical of me to think that I somehow deserved anything more than the honest responses that I got. Sure, a part of me wants every friend on every social network to be a part of my events, but that is just not realistic. The people that need to be there will be there. The people that don’t, won’t.
     I have to say that I was seriously considering not doing events anymore because of this new notification. However, I am glad to say that my ego did not win this round. I will continue to promote events this way because I know it reaches people that need to see it. I will appreciate all responses and be thankful that they took the time to acknowledge the event. I will host the event knowing that it is in my highest good and is helpful to those around me.
What battles have you won with your ego? Which ones do you feel like you are losing?

Painting in my head

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You have found your way here from the wonderful world of Rose Red Tarot

Our focus for this Tarot Blog Hop is Ostara and the idea of “Painting a journey with new life.”  As I have been contemplating this over the past few weeks, the idea of painting really stuck out to me.  The history of the Goddess Ostara painting the spring landscape with new life.  The tradition of painting colored eggs to honor and represent this.  The energy resonating with me was all about painting and coloring my life in new ways.

Once upon a time, I used to paint artistically and found it rather fun and a bit cathartic.  These days, the only painting I do is when the living room needs a new coat on the walls.  Yet, in a way it is still very healing and satisfying for me.  Simply by adding a coat of paint, the energy of a room can be changed dramatically.  This seems to hold true for us internally as well.  Simply by choosing to color your viewpoint in a new or refreshed way can shift your energy and the perspective you have on a situation.

I decided to ask the Tarot what area of my life could use some painting and maybe a new perspective as well.  I broke out a deck that was gifted to me by a person who has also helped me to see my life in a new way and has added new life an color to my world.

Card one: What area of my life needs painting?

Nine of Swords – Boy, there’s no mincing words here.  There is no doubt that, as of recently, I have been spending way too much time inside my head and playing with my fears.  I have been spending much of the past three months consciously working on shadow aspects of myself and there have been times that it has taken me to some pretty dark and scary places.  The thing is, now that I have identified and released a bunch of my triggers, I find my mind working to create new ones to take their place.  My head has been in shadow long enough, its time to come into the sun.  Grab that paintbrush and let’s spread some color!

Card two: Where can I find the paint?

Nine of Coins – A wonderful shift from the mindset that I have been in!  This card is a great reminder that all it takes sometimes is a change of thought and action to completely change the perspective and outlook that you have on a situation.  This is a call to count my blessings, not my curses.  To focus on the creative life I have given to the world, not the withering feeling when I am alone.  The paint that I need to color the walls of my head will come from the pigments embedded in the blessings that I receive on a daily basis.

 

Card three: What can I expect to gain from this paint job?

Seven of Wands –  An expansion of ambition and values.  In looking at the first and last card, I can see that there is a shift underway.  By focusing on my blessings and shifting my mind out of the shadows, it is as though I am able to break free of the confines of my house an begin to explore.  There are still boundaries that I must navigate beyond, but the big step of getting out of my head and back into the world is taking place.  Now it is up to me to use these awakening months of Spring, to make sure I am prepared for the journeys that I have in front of me.  Just need to tie my shoes, hop this fence and I am off and running!

Amazing what a little paint can do!

What area of your life needs a little painting?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Images from “Deirdre of the Sorrows Tarot” by Deirdre O’Donoghue

Continue your journey though the energies of Ostara at Andrew’s blog!

Keeping your awareness open

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Every once in a while, we get a shot from the Universe that shows us how really powerful our thoughts are. You might call is a stage of hyper-manifestation, where it seems like all we need to do is think really hard about something and we find it coming right to us. Right now, you may be thinking: “That’s awesome, Matt. Tell us how to tap into that!” To which I reply: “Hold on a minute, I’m not done with that thought.”

You see, it is in these times that we feel amazingly powerful. It is also in these times that we often get a kick in the face about how important it is to keep our intentions pure and seek the highest good for all involved. Sure, we may be drawing into our lives exactly what we are wishing for. But at what cost? Is the manner in which we receive our wishes selfish and possibly hurtful for others? In the end are we robbing from Peter just to pay Paul? This concept hit me pretty hard this past week as I was feeling very focused on personal goals and manifestation. Let me give you a little back story…

You may or may not have been aware that this past week held some amazing astrological energy. Throughout the early part of the week, there was an alignment of planets that brought together some very powerful forces in what appeared to be an unprecedented manner. A grand trine (or triangle) was formed around the Earth with Venus and Jupiter aligned together on one side with Mars and Pluto creating the other two angles around us. I’m no astrologer, but I know enough to be dangerous and see that these celestial bodies were shaping up to work harmoniously together around the planet. If we look at just the planets themselves, we have this idea of expansive, fortunate energy fueling and nurturing our passions and emotions. Combined with very direct and forceful patterns that have the potential to be transformative and regenerative. In other words, the energy that we were working with had a way of pushing us, possibly forcefully into the areas that we were seeking to expand and nurture. If this wasn’t enough, all of these planets were in Earth signs at the time of this alignment giving them a very practical and grounded manner in which to work their mojo.

The alignment started it’s peak on Tuesday evening so I set to work on Monday preparing myself and my altar to take advantage of this time. I began setting my intentions and writing down the tools and steps that I would be using to set my magickal operations in motion. Having prepared myself and my space, I went to bed and set my sights on getting started the next day. Little did I know that the next 3 days would be so powerful, weird and magickal.

Throughout the next three days, it seemed that nearly all of the things I set my focus on came to be. I was blasting through my work, I was energized and focused in completing my tasks though we are critically short staffed at work and I have been taking on extra duties. I seemed to be on fire and I was even getting a fair amount of side work in as well that I didn’t think I would have time for. I was shining bright and taking advantage of the energies I was calling in from the planets. Kick ass!

Amidst all this though, I had some moments of very selfish energy that came back to bite me almost immediately. Our weekly managers meeting was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. I was dreading this meeting all morning and was working on ways that I might be able to talk her into canceling it due to all the extra work we had going on. Later that morning, I checked my email to see a message from her that the meeting was canceled. Success! But wait, what’s this? The meeting is canceled because she is sick? Dammit. Sure, I didn’t want the meeting to happen, but I didn’t want for her to fall ill either. That’s a crappy way to get out of it.

In addition, two employees that we were getting fed up with ended up leaving us hanging and basically giving up their jobs. I knew they wouldn’t make it long after the last counseling session and I knew that them leaving would be good for the company. Yet, it was surprising to see that within 24 hours of the discipline, the actions were repeated and termination ensued. I wanted them gone, but not necessarily that quick! Now we are even shorter on staff and even more weight is add to us all.

After each one of these events, I was left with a feeling that I had gotten exactly what I asked for. The problem was, I was seeking an outcome that was only for me. I had gotten myself so wrapped up in what I wanted that I forgot to think about the potential outcome that it might have on those around me. This is an all too common problem for me at times and I am sure that I am not alone in that.

This experience reminded me of a phrase that some of early teachers would keep in all their workings. “Most Benevolent Outcome” or MBO was a phrase that they would add to any healing or magickal workings to ensure that all energies involved were taken into consideration when the Universe was working out the path to success. At times this meant a longer waiting time or a slightly less dramatic resolution to the working. It also meant fewer unintended outcomes or selfish gain at someone else’s loss. This idea of asking for the MBO, asks the Universe to factor in the highest good of all that may be affected by the intention that is being set in place. This is important to keep in mind as we rarely, if ever, know what the highest good is for other people. It often seems that we have a hard enough time keeping track of what our highest good is, let alone trying to figure out how that plays in with other people’s.

Another phrase that I have been hearing a lot, in different contexts, is that “we don’t operate in a vacuum.” It is very easy to get so focused on what we are trying to accomplish that we forget how each of our actions might affect someone else. In a vacuum scenario, we could manifest all that we wanted without it ever affecting anyone else. Our actions, thoughts and words would have no ripple effect and would never cause waves in someone else’s life. On the same level, the actions of others would never affect us either. Sounds good until we realize how much we depend on each other. While the angry look that throws our day off wouldn’t affect us, neither would the kind word or sincere smile. It is because of this interdependency and interaction that we are able to thrive, develop and progress as physical and spiritual beings. This co-existence is also the reason that we need to keep our awareness on our surroundings and those things outside of our sphere.

You’ve heard me talk a lot about keeping your focus on your sphere of influence and that concept is still the core tenant of how I see us moving towards personal, individual success. But while keeping our focus there, we mustn’t lose the awareness of those things outside of this sphere. This is where we give and receive our energy. Where we see the results of the manifestations we are creating and where we see the effects of each choice that we make. I am using this past week’s experiences to help me raise my awareness and plan better for setting specific ripples into motion. Won’t you join me?

The balance of parenting

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The date was March 22, 2001. It was a date that I had known the importance of for at least a couple weeks prior to its arrival. Yet, even when you know an event is coming and you do all that you can to prepare for it, there is still an element of surprise and awe when it happens. Sometimes these events end up having a literal, life changing effect on you and again, no matter how much you think you are prepared, you realize that you just aren’t. And that’s ok.

On this particular spring day, my life was changed by a screaming mass of flesh that shared my DNA and my charming good looks <insert sarcasm font here>. From this day forward, regardless of how I saw myself or what I thought my priorities were, I was no longer the man I was. I was a father, my son’s father. Nothing could change that now. Twenty months later, it happened again and a beautiful baby girl was added to my genetic creations.

I now began to see the power that these bundles of joy and poop could bring to the world. My focus changed in almost every aspect even if it wasn’t entirely noticeable from the outside. My work was for them, my home was for them, my energy was for them. Everything I did, in one way or another was to bring benefit to them. It was a tireless time and their mother and I did everything we could think of to offer them the best life possible. Even when that meant parting ways.

Over the years since that departure, I have had to do a lot of priority shifting to build and maintain a level of care and involvement in my children’s lives. I began to see an importance in keeping a strong focus on not only my kid’s needs but also those of my own. This was a difficult thing to do and the balance is something that I will likely be juggling for years to come. It was becoming apparent to me that as a parent, I was no good to my kids if I was energetically, emotionally and mentally spent. I needed some “me” time to recharge myself from work and the stresses of daily life.

At first, this seemed easy. I mean, how hard is it to blow off some steam and take some rest and relaxation time for yourself when you are now the only one under your direct care? I quickly found that I was good at taking “me” time. Really good. So much so, that tipped the scales a little too far at times and got lazy and selfish with the time I had with my kids. It was a hard realization to have when it hit me that the majority of the time I had available with them was doing things that were for my benefit. Sure, they played along like the good kids that they are and of course there were times that we all enjoyed. But it was hardly the enriching, bond building time that they needed.

Way to go, Dad.

So how do I find the balance? Well, over the past few years, that has been my focus. Find the balance of family fun and enrichment while they are here and seek to find ways to recharge more effectively and appropriately when they are not. Three years ago, I got an opportunity to work more actively on this balance and find the happy medium. Meeting my love and fostering our relationship, meant meeting her daughter and fostering a relationship with her as well. Though she does not share any genetic material with me, we do share a number of interests and that has been a base for our bonding. We laugh over stupid cartoons, we learn how to blow things up watching “Mythbusters” together and we rock out to each others musical selections. We hang out, talk and at times just act goofy together. I see her as my daughter, despite our biological separation.

It is in this time that I have spent with her, that I have been seeking to find the balance. I am no longer living alone and able to retreat away to my man cave. I am now in a situation where I need to be actively engaged in not only my life, but the lives of my fiance and all of our kids. As each person is unique, so are the needs in their lives. Each member of my family needs something a little different from me and it is my job to provide that. At times this may be as simple as a peanut butter sandwich as a mid day snack. At other times, it may be a listening ear late at night when the world seems to be crashing down. Regardless of what the need is, when it is asked of me, I see it as my duty to them to work to fill it. It may seem slightly old fashioned to some, but I do still see my role in the family as that of protector and guardian. This may never develop into a role where I literally need to save them from physical dangers or ward off impending harm with my imposing strength and iron clad will. At least, I hope not because I really don’t have either of those. But, it is a role that involves me seeking to keep them in a state of health, happiness and safety.

In this role of guardian and protector, it is my duty to ensure that they are covered with the basic needs; food, shelter, safety, etc. It is also my duty to try and protect them from the less obvious dangers that are lurking in the shadows. The mental and emotional tolls that childhood experiences bring can at times be more painful than the physical ones. These are the ones that can be warned against, but rarely prevented. The heart has to break at some point to know how to truly see love. Failure has to occur so that success can truly be appreciated. Friendships have to fade so that we truly understand how to give and take. I know I can’t protect against these things, but I can still try to help them heal and, if I am lucky, maybe even prepare them better for the next round. Its a constant fluctuation of energies in this effort to provide them with a happy home and a strong sense of well being.

However, this state of well being is not easily maintained and it takes a lot of energy. There are times that I find myself tipping the scale the opposite way now and again neglecting my own needs in favor of satisfying the needs of those whom I care for. Part of this is necessary in becoming a father and spouse. There are times that each member of the family needs to suck it up and sacrifice for the good of all. This may mean that the kids get a few more chores when the parents are sick, or dad picks up mom’s role when she is away and vice-versa. Regardless, we all face times where we feel the need to pick up the extra slack and come together as a family. But in doing so, we also need to recognize the needs within ourselves to take care of our own energies.

As important as it is that I not let the selfish side of me take over, it is also important that I not sacrifice myself as a martyr to my family. Again, what good am I to them if I am constantly weary and worn out. There is a reason that the flight attendants tell you to secure your own oxygen mask before helping your kids with theirs. If you can’t breathe yourself, how can you possibly be helpful to anyone else.

To find my balance, I am seeking to maintain a “me” time in my day. I will give all I can to my children. I will give all I can to my love. I will give all I can to my work, my world and my community. But I will also give all I can to myself. Each day, for at least an hour, I seek to focus on the needs my body, mind and spirit are communicating to me. In this time, I will cherish the energy that is mine and seek to renew the vital force within me. I will keep myself strong so that I can be strong for those I love.

How do you maintain your personal energy?  What do you do to keep your “me” time?

A Hole in My Heart “m-o-m”

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If you remember from last week, I mentioned that I was planning to go to the Spring Body Mind Spirit Expo this weekend. As usual, I had a great time and saw some really cool things throughout the many booths. I took the time to do some things that were new as well and turned out to be pretty fun. At one of the booths we were looking forward to, the wife and I both got henna designs applied and learned a little more about the history and spirituality behind these wearable prayers. I attended an energy meditation seminar and felt the power of combining directed movement with a focus on my personal energy, or Qi.

This was also the first opportunity that I had to bring my kids to the expo. Both are open to the woo woo metaphysical stuff that I talk about and my son is often very interested in the various types of intuitive and energy based work that I do. They are both quickly becoming crystal junkies too and I figured, if nothing else, they would at least enjoy looking at the hundreds of different crystal specimens that are there. As it turned out, both had a really good time and learned a few things as well. I have to admit that there are few things that could have made me smile as much as when my son turned to me after the energy meditation seminar and told me; “That was awesome!”. It’s pretty cool to have your ten year old son telling you about how he was not only able to feel his chi ball, but could feel the energy flowing through his body at will. That is a glimpse of personal power that I hope he never forgets.

As I mentioned last week, one of the main reasons to go to the expo was also to get my aura imaged for this year. The kids were up for it too, so we lined up, sat down and got snapshots of what our etheric fields looked like. The kids went first and were really excited to not only see what their auras looked like, but also to hear what the colors represented in their lives. When it was my turn, I sat down, took a few deep relaxing breaths and laid my hands on the sensors. The moment of truth, had anything changed? Was there any shift in colors or density? The picture popped up on the screen and low and behold, deep red again. Vibrant, passionate and active. As I sat with the consultant, these same words came up that I hear every year. Also that I need to reduce my stress level, focus on my breathing, and stop burning the candle at both ends. All I could do at that point was to smile and acknowledge the reaffirmation that while I do push myself hard at times, at least I am consistent.

There was one noticeable shift in the picture though from last year and years past. The area around my heart had lost much of the color and was now showing a noticeable hole. This has been intriguing for me as I do know that I carry most of my hurt and anxiety in my heart. When I examine my own chakras or have them evaluated by others, it is often my heart chakra that is weakest and needs the most attention. I have done a lot of work on this chakra in the past, but it looks as though there may still be work that needs to be done.

The combination of my consistently red aura and this “hole in my heart” has had me thinking hard over the last twenty four hours as to what the connection might be and how I can work to correct it. I’m not necessarily saying my aura color is bad, but there has to be a reason that it has not changed in color over the past three years and has no trace of any other colors either. Why is it that my energy is so focused around this root chakra color? And does the focus of that color and energy have anything to do with this gap around my heart? First off, when we look at the color red and the root chakra there are a few key words that come to mind. Safety, security, danger, passion, base needs. This is where our root feelings of comfort and safety come from. When you look at the diagrams of basic human needs and how they are ordered, things like safety, shelter, food and heat are in those basic survival needs. These are root chakra things on a grand scale. But there are also aspects of our modern survival that seem to trigger this same energy in us. Financial pressures, job safety, housing concerns and more all activate these root chakra energies and fears.

While I am far from being destitute, homeless or unemployed, I do often find myself very focused on the aspects of how I can improve these particular aspects in my life. I seek greater financial opportunities for myself, I try to improve my home life and my quality of living as much as I can. To a degree, I think this is natural for many of us. Unfortunately, I think it is also natural for us to lose sight of other aspects in our lives because of this preoccupation with physically “bettering” our lives. For me, there seems to be a growing disconnect between my mental aspirations, my emotional concerns and my physical needs and this may be a large contributor towards the auric hole that is developing. It seems that my mental aspirations towards fulfilling my perceived physical needs are leaving me a bit drained on the emotional level.

To say the least, this is not good.

I need to work on setting my energetic balance back to a place where all of my needs are being met equally with no aspect of myself being left out. This will take some practice and work as it has been a practice of mine to focus on certain areas when they need work and then in turn neglect other areas. What I am looking for now is a more holistic approach to self improvement. Something that will bring my focus towards all aspects of my body, mind and soul in one shot.

One aspect of my physical needs that I know I have been neglecting is exercise. I supplement this with fulfilling other physical needs but it just doesn’t seem to do the trick and keeps perpetuating this drive for greater physical satisfaction. However, I have been feeling a call for a while to a style of exercise that has the potential to help satisfy not only my body’s need for movement but also my soul and heart’s need for energy as well. I am going to my first yoga class tomorrow and while I am worried how sore I will be from my lack of exercise, I am excited to get my blood moving again. In speaking with the instructors and researching what I can about yoga, I am seeking to use this as more than just a way to lose weight or gain flexibility. I am setting my intention for this as a way to increase the energetic flow throughout my body and soul. I am seeking to use this tool to help me find ways to direct my power evenly throughout my body and in turn spread my focus on all aspects of my life. I am excited and optimistic about this new adventure and I will keep you all informed as I am progressing. So, wish me well tomorrow as I embark on this journey to rejuvenate my body, mind and spirit.