When it comes to doing Tarot readings for myself, I usually find that I am able to remove myself enough from the situation to look at it objectively.  I can take a step back and allow the cards to tell me what I need to hear without coloring it too much with my own preconceived notions.  This ability has helped me work through some tough times over the past couple years and I am sure it will serve me well for many more.  But what happens when I just can’t get out of the way?

I have been waiting for about a week now for the formal job offer to come through for the transfer I have been working at my day job.  I know it is coming but my patience has been running thin lately.  I need to know some key details from that offer in order to start putting my relocation into place.  I need to know that there is a timeline in place for these events and progress is being made.  Not knowing these details leaves me with a bit of a helpless feeling. 

Last night, I decided to throw down a card to see when the offer was going to come through.  I was encouraged to see the Emperor come up.  Almost every spread I have done about my job has included the Emperor somewhere in it.  He has kept me on-point and focused so that I did not get complacent or apathetic as progress was going slow.  As I looked at this card in reference to the timeline question I asked, I could see all the indicators I was looking for to get the answer I wanted.  This card is Major #4, so the number four was jumping out at me.  The next day would be April 4, that’s two fours right there.  2011 reduces to four.  That’s another one there.  It was looking good that the offer would come on Monday.  Then I looked at the rest of the card and saw the symbols at the bottom of the card.  Aries, Sun and Moon all together…off to the astrological calendar!  Yep, sure enough.  Both the Sun and Moon are both in Aries.  Hot Damn!  Just like I wanted, the offer will be in my inbox sometime on Monday.  I just needed to sit back and wait for it.

Well, it’s almost 8:00 pm here now and no offer.  What the heck happened?  Was my deck playing a joke on me?  Was it lying?  Ugh!  This is frustrating! What did I miss?

As I sit here, I am thinking all these things and more.  So what was it that went wrong?  Nothing and everything all at once.   I am not so sure that the Emperor was really giving me all the chronological advice that I thought he was.  I was reaching and building off of anything I could see on the card to create the answer I wanted.  This is a challenge that we all face now and again in any reading we may do.  Whether it is for ourselves or someone else, there are times that we are going to be tempted to reach and build the story that we think is desired.  Whether we don’t want to acknowledge the situation for what it is, or we are just too involved to be impartial, we find ourselves digging through the symbolism to pull out the meanings we want to hear and not necessarily what needs to be heard.

This rarely ends the way we envision it.  It feels nice to get the message you hoped for, but that warm fuzzy feeling wears off pretty quick once you see that it was manufactured.  Anytime we read for others, it is important to give the messages that are needed and not just the ones that are desired.  I think just about any reader will agree with that statement.  But it is just as important that we do the same for ourselves when we do readings in our own lives.  If we build ourselves up on false hopes and interpretations that we manufacture, we are only setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.  We also risk frustration and a lack of trust in our own intuition. 

So, now that I know I was off base in turning the Emperor into a calendar; what was he telling me?    He is telling me the same thing he has told me all year.  Be strong, be patient and manage the situation.  I need to take control and lead the progress if I want to see real results.  There is still work to be done when it comes to fighting for what is mine and still keeping the balance of power intact.

I’m chalking this mistake up to a learning experience and a continuing conversation that I am having with my cards.  A conversation I hope never ends.