Tag Archives: ego

A friend in need…

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Sorry to have bailed out on you all last week.  Every once in a while, we all go through situations that just seem to throw us for a loop and send us completely off track.  Last week was one of those times for me.  I sat for most of the day on Sunday in a state of confusion and frustration as I felt my ego puffing up and my confidence shrinking.

I’m getting ahead of myself, let me give you a little background.

A few weeks ago, I got a message from a friend out of the blue that he was having issues with what he felt was a spiritual attachment or entity.  We talked about the concerns he had and the issues he was experiencing and it really seemed to be something outside of his own energy that was causing this.  I offered to help him out in any way I could and we started off with dowsing his home to see if the energies and vibrations were out of whack.  Throughout the session, I found a number of things that were off in the energy fields of his home and himself.  As is my standard, I asked Spirit to correct these imbalances and reset everything back to its ideal level.  Feeling confident that some progress had been made, I let him know that I was completed with the dowsing and asked him to fill me in on any changes he felt in the energy around the house and if the entity had left.

The next day, my friend let me know that the dowsing had been effective in that things had calmed down for a bit.  However, the entity soon returned and things were back to the way they had been for him.  Back to square one.

We talked more about some of the specifics that had been happening to him and through some additional research, we came to a conclusion about what this thing was that he was dealing with.  We decided to meet up later that week and work on removing the attachment once and for all.  Throughout the week, we continued to talk and my friend mentioned that he was also working with some other spiritual professionals to try and get rid of the attachment.  I didn’t think too much of this as we typically work in groups and I knew the people he was working with and they are also friends.  They day we were to meet up, my friend told me that the other practitioner had advised him that he was venturing into free will territory in his plans and that she wouldn’t be able to help him anymore.  We were both a little confused by this, but I felt that it was likely just her telling him that her part in the fix was completed.

We went about our plans and things seemed to be going well for us.  I showed my friend some additional cleansing and clearing techniques and we discussed much of what the other practitioners had said as well.  Upon the completion of our plans, we got a bite to eat and called it a night.  The rest of the week was pretty quiet in our communications so I took that as a sign that all was well.  Come to find out that next Sunday, I was wrong.

We had both signed up to go to an event hosted by the practitioner that I mentioned earlier.  Midday, I received a message from my friend that he was asked to leave an earlier event due to the negative energy that the still remaining entity was producing.

Needless to say, we were both a little thrown by this turn of events and my mind started churning in ways that I soon found were not beneficial to me.  The messages I was getting about his seemed to implicate that the practitioner was excluding him from the group because the work he had done with me had failed and that she was upset that he worked with me and not her.  This was not a reaction that I had expected from this practitioner as I have known her for nearly two years and she had always come across as a very open person and not one to fall prey to jealousy or ego related issues.  As this all sank in, I began to have a very odd feeling come over me.  First, it was an element of my ego being bruised.  To think that the work I had helped my friend with had failed, was a bit hard for me to take right away.  Especially since I had not heard anything back all week regarding the attachment.  No news is supposed to be good news, right?  My ego began to run rampant with this and I began fabricating ideas that maybe this other person was telling him the entity was still there to make him feel guilty for not working with her.  Maybe it was to specifically take a shot at me.  Maybe she doesn’t really think all those nice things she says about me.  Maybe she’s glad that I haven’t been making it to her events lately.  Maybe I really do suck at this.  Further and further down this ego driven spiral was I headed.  All the while, my ego being puffed up into anger and my confidence being driven into the dirt.

I reached out to the practitioner and to my friend more throughout the day trying to get a better handle on what was going on.  My head was in a fog of frustration and depression and I was certainly not feeling very mindful at all.  Being in the middle of this situation between two friends was messing with my head and my heart more than I could understand.  Later in the day, I began to get some clarity on the situation though.  My friend messaged me back with a deeper explanation of why the other practitioner had backed away from working with him.  The message contained information that allowed me to see that it was not anything in particular that we had done or not done that upset the balance.  It was more that my friend had not listened to Spirit’s guidance when it was given to him in the first place.  He had taken his free will option to explore other alternatives and while what we did had some effectiveness, it was not what he needed to so to resolve the situation on his own.  When he finally listened to that guidance, the entity released and things began to calm down.

This cleared up a lot for me and my mind began to settle down considerably.  After checking in with Spirit myself, and realizing that this whole time I had not really done that, there were some key things that became clear for me in this.  First off, there was a lesson or two for me to gain out of my part in this.  One, I need to ask better questions of those that I am working with.  Had I probed deeper into the reasons why the other practitioner backed out, I might have been able to avoid the whole situation.  Two, and probably the most important, it wasn’t about me.  It never was.  My ego bruising and my confidence flailing was just the fabrication of my own mind putting myself first.

This was a good wake up call for me to make sure that I am stepping back from any and every situation before reacting and taking things personally.

There is still much that I need to learn about connecting to and deeply listening to Spirit when it counts.  However, I think that this experience has helped me to understand that there are lessons everywhere for us and that sometimes we need to get bruised before we can really experience the healing.  I truly appreciate both friends for the roles they played in this as I know that things played out exactly as they needed to and I am fairly certain there are no hard feelings left at all.

Facebook vs My Ego

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      For those of you who have been following me for a while, you have probably noticed that I talk a lot about releasing the ego and working to focus on heart centered thoughts and actions. I am a huge supporter of each individual finding and owning their own power so that they have the greatest level of control over their life. Yet, even as I preach this to you all, I still struggle with many of these particular issues in my own life.
     I hope that this struggle helps me to connect with those that hear my suggestions and I am certain that it keeps me off any pillars that I or anyone else might try to put under my feet. I’ve never been one to enjoy feeling prideful or above others as it just feels wrong. I work hard to keep my pride in check and quite often the Universe helps me out with that as well. However, when it comes to the ego, it’s not just pride that rears it’s ugly head. Sure, when the word “ego” comes up, that is usually the first place that most people’s minds go.
     Ego = Pride, greed, selfishness, cruelty…the list can go on and on depending on your viewpoint and experience with people who seem to have too much ego. But what about those with too little ego? Is there such a thing? Is it better?
In my opinion, there really isn’t a case of too little ego. It is in releasing the ego completely that we find self satisfaction and serenity. The problem is, there is a whole other side to the ego that we don’t often associate with it. If being prideful is on one side of the ego, then being shameful is on the other. Both are opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to the ego.
     The dictionary defines the ego as “A person’s sense of self esteem or self importance” Whether we feel we are the most awesome conglomeration of energy that the world has ever seen, or we feel like we are nothing more than a useless speck among the vast universe, we are in the ego. The more we think either of these thoughts, the more we find ourselves in our own head fighting with the reality of who we are as a part of the universe and who we see ourselves as.
     Throughout the years, I have done pretty well at keeping myself off of pillars. While I do see myself as a pretty amazing conglomeration of energy, I do not typically see myself standing out much either. No, I typically find myself on the other side of the ego and have to work much harder at reminding myself how important I am and what my contributions to the Universe are. I know that I am special and unique in my soul. I know that I am powerful in my heart. I just need to keep reminding my head of that.
     One of the big exercises that I have been working with the Universe on, is the release of my self doubt and the idea that I am not good enough. It is amazing the different ways that these lessons are carried out and are presented to me in such diverse ways. At times, these lessons are subtle and barely noticed until they are over. At other times, I get slapped in the face and end up sitting in the energy of the lesson all day.
As an example, I am sure that most, if not all of you are on Facebook and have been dealing with the constant string of changes and updates since its inception. Each time a change is made, there is typically an uproar about how everyone liked it the way it was before and Team Zuckerburg should just leave it alone. Yet, as the change moves forward, we all all adapt or leave and Facebook moves on, unphased. As of yet, I have really felt unaffected by any of the changes that were made. Privacy concerns, page layouts, new features, I just rolled along with the tide. Until this week. An update went through that actually hit me where it hurts. Right in the ego and right in my self worth.
     Now this may seem petty to some, but the change that went through was an addition to my notifications when a person declines the invitation to an event that I am hosting. I have been on Facebook for over 5 years now and as best I can recall, this notification has never come through. I have hosted various events from my radio show announcements to healing events to work related gigs when I used Facebook for the day job too. I’ve invited thousands of people to various events and people that did not want to go, simply disappeared from the invite list. They chose to decline or ignore and just went away. I was never the wiser. Until this week.
     As usual, I sent out the invites and shortly thereafter I start getting notifications. I happily click the icon to see who has decided to attend the event and…wait, what is this? Billy Bob has declined my invitation? Crap. So did Susie Q. and John Doe. Dammit Facebook, why are you telling me this? I didn’t need to know who wasn’t coming, just keep me in my happy place by telling me who is coming. But alas, throughout the day, I continue to get notifications that various friends are declining my invitations. What a kick to my ego’s face.
     I struggled with this most of the day. Watching the notifications of who was and who was not coming to see which had more people. I knew in my head that all these people that were declining were likely the same people that just disappeared from the invite list before. But now they had names and faces that I could pinpoint. There were certain people that I could point to and say “you declined my invitation, don’t you like me?” I was teetering on the edge of a downward spiral.
     As I struggled with this, I gave it to my higher self to work with and the shift began to happen. The more I consciously released the situation from my mind, the less it seemed to bother me. In asking for guidance and comfort, I was provided with the answers that I preach all the time. It’s not about me and it’s not anything new.
     Of the 300+ people that I invited, only a small percentage responded. Of those that did, all of them had their own schedules to work out and their own lives to lead. Of those that did not respond, I am sure that many did not even see the invite through the overwhelming amount of notifications that they receive. Others still, may have just politely ignored it. Regardless, once I sent it out, I had no control anymore of how people chose to respond to it. Frankly, it was selfish and egotistical of me to think that I somehow deserved anything more than the honest responses that I got. Sure, a part of me wants every friend on every social network to be a part of my events, but that is just not realistic. The people that need to be there will be there. The people that don’t, won’t.
     I have to say that I was seriously considering not doing events anymore because of this new notification. However, I am glad to say that my ego did not win this round. I will continue to promote events this way because I know it reaches people that need to see it. I will appreciate all responses and be thankful that they took the time to acknowledge the event. I will host the event knowing that it is in my highest good and is helpful to those around me.
What battles have you won with your ego? Which ones do you feel like you are losing?

It’s All In Your Head

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It never ceases to amaze me how many of my fears and anxieties are purely figments of my imagination.  My brain has a knack for taking random bits of unrelated data and stringing them into scenarios where something bad just has to happen.  I’ve been doing some reflection on this lately and it seems that many of these scenarios are really ego based and quite silly when you get down to it.  Like the Nine of Swords in the Tarot, the things that are freaking me out are my own thought creations and I have just as much power to remove them as I did in creating them.

This all became amazingly clear at the family reunion I went to yesterday.  I had not seen many of my family members for a couple years at least and a lot of things have changed in my life over that time.   Many of these changes involve diverting from the religious and social paths that my family was raised on.  I was also going to be seeing a family member that I had hurt deeply and have not spoken to since our falling out.  For the week or so leading up to the reunion, my mind was spinning all sorts of weird scenarios where I was going to get called out on my spiritual practices or taken to task for things I had done and said in the past.

When I got to the event, an amazing thing happened.  Nothing.  Everyone was happy to see each other and just get caught up on life.  Memories were shared about the grandparents, new experiences were discussed with the kids, food and fun was had by all.  There were no grand reconciliations but there was no fighting or awkwardness that I had feared either.  Everything seemed pretty much normal, at least as normal as any family is.  So what was it that I was fearing?  Why did I have these thoughts that things would be so uncomfortable?  I think  a big part of that was because my ego wanted it to be awkward.

I was contemplating on my way home how good things had gone and began to deconstruct where my previous thoughts were coming from.  I began to see that there was  a part of me that wanted some sort of confrontation.  Whether it be about my spiritual path or the falling out, my ego wanted it to happen.  Why?  Because my ego is all about me.  Even if it was negative attention, my ego wanted attention.  I was justifying this desire by constructing elaborate scenarios on how I would explain my path to the family and gain their support or understanding.  Even how through confrontation, all would be healed in my broken relations with family.  But when it all came down to it, it was about me.   My need to feel accepted and validated by others.

What I found though was that it’s not about me.  Never has been and never will be.  The ego will tell you that all eyes are watching you and everyone is concerned about everything you are doing.  When in reality, most people really don’t have the time or inclination to do anything close to that.  Everyone has their own lives to be concerned with and their own struggles that they are facing.  The plain fact is most people really don’t have the energy or desire to be concerned with what path you are following or what you did in the past.  They are trying just as hard as you to get through today and find their own way.

The moral of the story here is that the majority of our fears and anxieties are the products of our own mental image.  Something inside us projects a negative light onto an otherwise positive scenario and we hold onto that “worst case scenario” instead of simply enjoying the day for what it is.  I am grateful to Spirit and to my family for showing me the light this weekend.

Namaste and Bright Blessings to you all!